Hi, expat from Australia checking in.
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Recently moved to HCMC as a single guy, with that being the case obviously active on the dating scene. I have an account on Vietnam Cupid which works quite well in terms of finding dates. I came across this one gorgeous woman who I ended up meeting the other night, however a few things happened which made me question what her intentions were. If someone could let me know their thoughts.. She insisted that I pay for everything including taxis there and back I'm pretty comfortable with this being standard for traditional Vietnamese culture.
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However the "Uber" she got seemed to charge , VND more than what it should have been, she seemed upset that she got cheated after I brought it up and that it was a "friend of a friends uber". We went out for dinner, we wanted to go out after for some drinks but it was 7pm and she said it was too early to drink.
She said we should go back to my hotel I'm staying at paid by company as having issues with my accomodation. Found it odd she was so comfortable to come alone to my room with me, at this point I actually thought she was a prostitute. For what it's worth I tried to kiss her then and she was very hesitant and then wanted to go back out. We had a few drinks just in the bar of my hotel in the lobby. We were having great conversation and seemed to connect well, towards the end she hinted at going back to the room again but I ended up getting her an actual vinasun taxi back to her place.
I'm just skeptical that she seemed so keen to sleep with me as she is absolutely jaw dropping in terms of looks. I have not much confidence when it comes to me and women so I tend to overanalyse everything. How naive can you be?
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Hey OP, I loved reading your story as it's very typical but still quite entertaining. I'm not implying I'm the ultimate reference, just that I understand what you're going through. Who can really know what's in her head. First of all, she speaks English, it means she's probably ambitious and set on meeting Westerners or Caucasians. You represent money to her, probably an ATM with two legs, so get used to her expecting you to pay for stuff. I'm not sure what's the problem here. She wants to go back to your room and have sex? Well, just go for it.
If you learn she's a prostitute, then don't give her any money, it's not your fault. Just make sure you always spend the night at YOUR hotel, not at some place she chooses. From my point of view, that would not be a safe move.
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Maybe she just wants to be "treated well" in exchange for her "affection". Seems like a very good deal to me! Are you looking into having a truthful woman and afraid of getting hurt or something? Then I'll suggest you learn some Vietnamese, take the time to learn about the culture, and approach the dating scene with that new knowledge so that you can evaluate better if she's worth it or not. Right now you're just meat to the pasture if you're not careful. Not sure what you mean?? For context I'm in my mid 20's and she in her early 20's so not a massive age gap.
After spending more time with her I kind of dismissed the idea of her being a prostitute.
She wasn't very aggressive in getting us to go back to the room, more just dropping hints. I'm thinking just more of a high maintenance, white guy chaser at the most. Anyway, I just wanted to sense check. As there were a few things like the aforementioned, and also towards the end of the date she was quite affectionate in public holding hands, kissing which I know is not really the norm for Vietnamese dating from what I've heard anyway.
You already have your red flags Follow thru as your wallet can; it becomes more obvious over time, not less. Can you play chess? A master wins by losing. What would you consider red flags? That's what I'm trying to discern in this thread. For what it's worth, back in Australia even though I don't have he highest level of confidence I still managed to do quite well in the dating department. So I don't look like the hunchback of Notre dame with a fat wallet.
The "high maintenance, white guy chaser" still must give in order to get: Even the game-players give up and get married much later in life so hope is the last to die. But it still does.
Dating/Marrying Tips for Expats :/, Vietnam forum
Checking to see if you have won the lottery? Your doubts and uncertainty will protect you. I would say that this girl knows how things work and has a lot of experience. It's all up to you to decide if this is a short term fling or something that could become more serious. From what you have written,I doubt she is the type of girl who wants to get serious and stay in a monogamous relationship.
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I may be wrong,but having stayed single till the ripe old age of 55,I have dated my fair share of ladies over the last 38 years. Be careful and watch out for spiked drinks in your hotel room. Thanks for the advice. She keeps going on about how previous partners have come and had short flings with her and left, but she wants someone who will stay and have steady relationship.
So take that for what it's worth. She is in her early twenties and has had several relationships, that in itself is not a good sign. At the end of the day, use common sense and all will be fine. As with many expats here, I can tell you of many bad relationships here, many that could have been avoided if the guy used his brain and not his small friend downstairs to make decisions.
I've got to totally agree with colinoscapee. No offence, but I wouldn't go out with a girl like that unless it was purely for fun. So I think if you are real men, I hope you not to hurt anyone like that.
They may guess, and think about the future: Nuts maybe useful in this situation 7. I think this is normal, if you love a woman, you s hould love everything of hers, including her family. That does not mean you are forced to have duty with her family, but you should share with your wife to take care her parents 9. VNese is not independent like exparts, so they feel nervous if go somewhere alone, even in a dating. I dont know, but even my speaking and listening are not good, but I had a very intersting conversation with a Canadian before, and I feel sense of humor is an advantage to attract women, and make language difficulty reduces 12, But dont ignore if you meet someone by chance It makes they feel that you know to take care about others, and that's good for their daughter 21, I have to say other than a few of the statements you are right on.
Maybe your relatives from the west and the girls you met are from the bar. There are different area in Vietnam and different culture too. So you should survey all the areas before talking about Vietnam girl. I dont think just girls from bar give him or his friends these exprience. I think so many tips are collected from our culture commonly, even that girl is from country side with low standard, or a morden girl with good knowledge.
Many people here consider that westerners in Vietnam are a little bit innocent, they are easly to be cheated, like in buying something, taxi I also had this thinking before, but then i realized that they are so smart. You can see why westerners are richer than us, why their culture is more civilized than ours? Because they are not donkeys. You can cheat them at the 1st date, or even the 2nd, 3rd I havent many chances to talk to westerners, but I think men are the same in everywhere, just few differences, and some are good, some are bad.
Dating/Marrying Tips for Expats :/
For me, seiously dating using these tips is just the first step to have a realationship, the most importance is to solve, to merge, to match differences in culture, in thinking. Because the guy can ignore his normal dating habit What ever hsppen to boy meets girl? That why u date, u Skype , u SMS, to build a foundation of trust, honor and loyality, if a man is fooled by beauty and is taken advantage of, it because he only cared about the physical beauty of that lady, he didn't make the investment required to asses her interior beauty , men are visual creators thus we become stupid at the first sign of a shine nickel Long holiday, and happy new year to all!