I can relate to getting married young, I did the same and we are no longer together.
I loved him very much, but throughout our marriage I had a few infatuations that are exactly as you describe above. I know that noneo f mine would have worked out, and in hindsight I can see that it was more of a dissatisfaction with my life rather than an attraction to the other man that was mixing me up. Can I ask - were you in a long term relationship after your first husband and did you ever experience infatuations again during that relationship?
Also, though you loved your first husband, how did you find strength to leave despite that? I too love and care for my husband very much and don't want to hurt him or ruin his ideas of the life we thought we would have. I feel that you may have hit the nail on the head when you said it may have been more of a dissatisfaction with life that was spurring the infatuations. Although I also can't help but wonder whether it just might work out with this other guy. We are so alike and connect on a level I've never experienced before. I'm yet to be in another long-term relationship, but the relationships I have been in since have started to evolve.
The relationships I chose not long after the marriage were unhealthy choices based around the types of men I had been infatuated with up till that point.
I think we can in these situations have a bit of 'confirmation bias' happening - we only recognise the similarities, and choose toignore the potential red flags. Maybe they are worth a pros and cons list too! That's why I suggest that being single for a time could be the best idea. I don't think it's ever a good idea to jump straight into a new relationship out of an old one. How did I find the strength to leave? Well, we actually danced around it for the best part of a year. I announced that I was going to leave, but I don't think he took it seriously until the day I actually did.
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I think I finally realised that any reasons I had for staying were based in the past and not in how things actually were in the prsent, or could bei n the future. The end of a relationship is a lot like grief, I think, with the difference being that the death of a person forces you to move on, whereas in a relationship breakdown you can delude yourself into thinking that there is still a chance for things to be like they were. Can I ask you something? Did you feel the same 'rush' with your husband when you first met him as you did with your first love?
I too rekindled twice with my first boyfriend. I think it's true that we never forget our first love. If you were to 'go back' to first love, how long would it be before you realized he really isn't what you remembered. My first boyfriend too was my first 'true' love. I was 15, he was You can't stay 'young' forever. Your husband has been there for you, you said yourself. I think you should give your marriage another 'go'.
What should I do if I’m married, but I'm in love with someone else? - Quora
From what you say, I feel it is infatuation. Why did you and first love split? Once you get there, permanently, it isn't so green. Think about what you have and how much you'll lose. Affairs sound 'peaches and cream' in theory, but the hurt you cause, is it worth it? If you did leave and go with boyfriend, how long before the original reason you split rears it's head again? I nearly broke up my marriage for first boyfriend, too. Glad I sent him packing.
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He simply wasn't worth it. Thank you for your reply. It's nice to hear from someone who has been through a similar situation. I hope I can come out of it the way you did - what seems like with clarity and knowing you made the right decision. At the moment though I just feel very confused. I don't want to lose my husband, but this whole experience has made me realise it may be possible to love more than one person.
I'm trying to remind myself that things have worked out the way they have for a reason, but it's hard to get comfort from that when I don't know what the reason is. My first boyfriend and I broke up for immature reasons, I was 14 and he was Getting to know him again is making me fall in love again.
We have the history but on top of that we are so alike and I feel such a strong connection. I feel happy when I'm with him. I wish I didn't get my happiness from being with other people, but I do, and I am happy with him. I KNOW what the right thing to do is. But I still can't help myself.
I can't help but feel you and first boyfriend only have a connection because of past.
As I asked previously, when you first met hubby, what did you feel, was it the same 'rush'. Try comparing boyfriend to hubby. Would boyfriend have 'been there' if you needed him?
Hubby was, you said yourself. I would suggest you distance yourself from boyfriend for a time, see how you feel. Try and recapture what you and hubby had. Maybe a time away with hubby. I think you're 'in love' with a memory. I know when I reconnected with boyfriend it was because of him being first love. I see Jess has suggested a trial separation from hubby, maybe you should think about that.
Please don't do anything hastily. There are two important lives here, you and hubby. Why did bf's marriage break up? You said his marriage broke up. Yes I think you might be right. When I get space from both my husband and boyfriend, I feel quite certain that I should stay in my marriage and cut things off with the boyfriend.
But then I talk to him again and I'm back to square one. No I didn't get the same rush with my now husband. We started off as friends and it was definitely more of a "slow burn". In retrospect, this experience made our love stronger in the way that I could have never imagined then.
That was 3 years ago. Who knows what I think about it in 10, 20, years? I know that, for some, staying might not have been the right decision for their circumstances, but it seems like it was for us.